I met Russell when I was twenty-three years young.  I worked as a cook in an upscale Ft. Lauderdale restaurant, but I was going to school three mornings a week to become a certified chef.  Russ was a bartender at the same restaurant.  On the night before I met Russ, I was skyping with my mother, and I lamented that I had not been able to meet my soul mate yet.  She reassured me that I was still a young man, and I should be more patient.  You can see how fate can change rapidly.  My life did a complete flip-flop overnight.

I hope you’ll believe me when I tell you it was love at first sight, because that’s exactly what it was.  The boss introduced us; we shook hands, and we both knew that we were going to spend our lives together.  That’s all we ever talked about.

Every time I spoke to my mother after I met Russ, she would remark to my sister, “I wonder what’s going on with Carl?  I’ve never seen him so happy.”

We were exceptionally compatible in the bedroom.  Although we were very versatile, I preferred for Russ to top me.  That was his preference also. After two years of constant love-making, Russ begged me to give up one of our apartments and move in together.  We lived in high rises only two buildings apart, but it was still damned inconvenient going back and forth every night.  We even talked about opening a restaurant together when I got my certification.  Neither of us had a penny in the bank, so it was quite a pipedream.

I was afraid to move in with Russ, and come out of the closet, because of my father.  I felt I had to explain the reason to Russ, so he wouldn’t think that I didn’t love him.  I loved him madly.

*****

My name is Carl Carpenter.  I grew up in Lake Worth, Florida.  My dad’s name is Robert.  Everyone calls him Bob.  My mother’s name is Cecelia.  Everyone calls her Cissy.  I have a younger sister, Jennifer.  Everyone calls her Jenny.  She’s a Junior at Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton, FL.

My dad owns a sporting goods store near the ocean in Boynton Beach, Florida.  Boynton Beach lies between Lake Worth and Boca Raton, but closer to Lake Worth.  Right next door to his shop, there’s a boat rental facility.  Tourists can rent a boat for either a half day or a full day’s fishing.  A captain comes with the boat.  Given its location it should come as no surprise that the main concentration of goods in Dad’s store is fishing gear.  Newbie tourists would often stop in to buy gear after they set up their boat rental.  He was very successful, as you can imagine.

He is also well stocked with hiking gear for those who prefer dry land, as well as the usual basketball, football, baseball and soccer paraphernalia.

My dad was a wonderful father to me while I was growing up, and I love him; I really do.  Unfortunately, he’s like Archie Bunker from ‘All in the Family.’  He’s a bigot, but not as likable as Archie.  Not only does he constantly make religious, racial, and ethnic slurs, he reserves his greatest bigotry and hatred for gays.

We are Baptists, so according to Dad, everyone who is not Baptist is going to hell.  Hell must be awfully crowded.  And in the deepest level of hell, where the fire burns the hottest, there dwell the gays.

I knew that I was gay from an early age.  Of course, I had to keep it a secret.  I moved to Ft. Lauderdale right after I graduated high school.  The drive from Ft. Lauderdale to Lake Worth is about forty-five-minutes on Interstate 95 if there are no accidents and traffic is light. The attraction for me was that Ft. Lauderdale is kind of a gay Mecca.

I worked whatever odd jobs I could find, usually as a server.  I didn’t know then that I wanted to be a chef. That calling came to me when I was twenty-three, after I got the job as a cook at the restaurant where Russ and I worked.

*****

We were cuddling in bed together, and I explained about my father to Russ, and why I couldn’t come out and shatter him.

“That’s not fair to either of us,” he responded.  “We should be able to live our lives the way we perceive it, not your old man’s idea of how he wants you to live.  Besides, you can’t keep it a secret forever.”

He was right, of course, but I was a prisoner of my own making.

“Tell you what,” I said.  “Let’s start easy.  My dad is going on his annual fishing trip with my grandfather over the Labor Day weekend.  They always beg me to go with them, but I explained that I worked for a restaurant, and holidays were our busiest times.  I’ll invite my mother and sister for dinner at the restaurant.  I’m not afraid to introduce you, and tell them the truth.  It’s my dad scares the shit out of me.”

“You’re right,” he said, “it’s a small start, but do you think for now we might fuck each other?”

“Sure,” I said. 

Before I knew what hit me, Russ was rimming my ass, and I was moaning in joy.  He took a break, lubed his cock and my ass, and entered me.  I began to cry with happiness.  In spite of all that rapture going on, I got a vivid picture of my father viewing the scene.  It took all my willpower to erase away the vision, and not spoil the moment.  All the while Russ was fucking me, I was sobbing, moaning, and whimpering like a little baby.  It felt so good, and I loved Russ with all my heart and soul.

We came almost simultaneously, and we both screamed out in pure joy.  Russ came out of me and we lay side by side.  We crushed our limp cocks together, and fell fast asleep.  I fell asleep still crying with happiness.

*****

I arranged with my boss to take a few hours off.  I invited my mother and sister to come into Ft. Lauderdale so we could eat together.  I instructed them to meet me at the bar before dinner.  I wanted to introduce Russ to them, before I revealed how much he meant to me.

The bar was really busy, and Russ had about a nano-second to meet and speak to my family.  I told you, time doesn’t matter where Russ is concerned.  In that brief few seconds, he charmed the socks off them. 

“He’s my best friend.  We’ll talk to him after dinner,” I promised.

When we were seated, Jenny asked if he was single.  “He’s so cute,” she exclaimed the obvious.

Thanks for the opening, I thought.  I steeled myself and said, “Jenny, he’s involved with someone, very involved.”

“I should have known,” she sulked, and my mother laughed.

“He’s involved with me, ladies.  I’m gay.  Russ and I are planning on getting married someday, but for the near future we’re planning on opening a restaurant together as soon as I get my certification next May.”

Jenny immediately jumped up and started slobbering me with kisses.  “I’m so happy for you,” she kept repeating.

My mother sat in stony silence, and I grew frightened.  Russ came out to his parents when he was sixteen, and they kicked him out.  He hadn’t seen them since.  Was the same fate waiting for me?

“Aren’t you going to say anything, Mom?” I asked her.

She took a long time to answer.  “I’m very disappointed,” she said, “but I love you.  It’s been no secret to me how happy Russ makes you.  I’d like to thank him for that.”

I started to cry.  I guess I’m a human faucet.

“You’ve got to tell your father as soon as possible,” she said.

“Yes, on my next night off, I’ll drive home and I’ll tell him I’m gay, but I won’t tell him about Russ.  After he gets used to the idea that he has a gay son, I’ll tell him that Russ is my best friend and we’re planning on opening a restaurant together.  I’ll invite Russ and me to your house to meet you and Dad.  Please don’t tell him that you already know Russ.”

“I don’t like all these little lies,” she said, “but knowing your father, I agree that you should go slowly, a little at a time.”

So, I came out to my father.  On my day off, I went to his house late in the afternoon, when I knew he would be coming home from work.  He showed surprise to see me, and gave me a real bear hug.  My dad is a strong man.  Every time he hugs me, I’m afraid he’ll break a rib or two.

I asked him to come into his study where I could talk with him privately.

“Sounds serious,” he commented.

“It’s a private matter,” I told him, which actually told him nothing.

We entered his study, and I closed the door.

“Talk,” he commanded.

“Dad, I’ve known something since I was in middle school.  I kept it a secret.  I couldn’t tell you, but I can’t have secrets between us anymore.  I want to tell you and unburden myself.”

My father looked frightened.  “You haven’t got a terminal disease?” he asked.

I felt like laughing, but I didn’t.

“No, Dad, I’m gay.  I guess I’m terminally gay, and I can’t change it.”

My father stood up.  He was like a statue; unmoving.  I could see the shock on his face.  Finally, he challenged me.

“How do you know you’re gay?” he asked.  “Have you ever…?”  He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Yes, Dad, many times.”

“Disgusting,” he mumbled.

I expected him to be angry at me, but he was very calm.  He looked so sad, I wanted to hug him.  I approached him, threw my arms around him, and whispered in his ear, “I love you, Dad.  I’m sorry to be such a disappointment to you.”

I had my arms around him.  He let me hug him, but his arms hung loosely at his sides.  He was not about to hug me back. 

“Do your mother and sister know?” he asked.

“Yes.  I told them when you and grandpa went fishing last weekend.”

He opened the door and went into the kitchen. Mom and Jenny didn’t know what to expect, but they didn’t expect him to be so calm.

“I have no appetite,” he said.  “Have dinner without me.”  He disappeared into his room.

“I have no appetite either, Mom.  I think I’ll go home.”

*****

I waited about two more months before I sprung Russ on him.  During that time my father tolerated me.  He let me hug him, but he didn’t hug me back.  He was cool to me, and avoided speaking to me when I visited.

Just before the end of November I said, “Dad, I have something to ask you.”

“Okay,” he said politely.

“I have a friend.  His name is Russ.  In fact, he’s my best friend.  He’s the bartender at my restaurant.  He and I are talking about opening our own restaurant after I get certified.”

“Is he gay?”

I felt I had to lie again.  “No, Dad, he’s straight.” 

I knew that Russ would charm him, and I could tell him the whole truth once he learned to like Russ.

“So why does he want to go into business with you?”

“My sexual orientation doesn’t matter to him, Dad.  It doesn’t matter to most people I know.”

“Why are you telling me now about your plans to open a restaurant?”

“Russ has no family at all, Dad.  He’s going to be my business partner. I want you to get to know him.  May I invite him for dinner on Tuesday evening?  We’re both off on Tuesdays.”

“If it’s alright with your mother, it’s alright with me.”  He walked quickly away.

On Tuesday evening, Russ and I arrived at my parents’ home.  Russ was perfectly calm, assured in the knowledge that he could win anybody over. On the other hand, I was a nervous wreck.  I was sure my dad would give any friend of mine a bad time.  I was wrong.  Dad was on his best behavior.  Even if it was all an act, I didn’t care.

I presented my mother with a bouquet of flowers, and Russ gave my dad a bottle of wine.  It was his favorite, a red merlot.  Russ and my father actually seemed to hit it off.  Russ was always full of jokes, and he and Dad started trading stories.  I had no idea that my father knew a single joke, and here he was telling one after the other.  Many of the jokes were way off color, which shocked me.  They were having such a good time, that I was tempted to leave them alone for further bonding.

“I’m almost a chef,” I said.  “I shouldn’t be letting Mom and Jenny do all the cooking.  I’m going into the kitchen to help them.”

That was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.  I should never have left my dad and Russ alone.  I should have known my father was only putting on an act.

As soon as they were alone, he said, “Carl tells me that you’re straight.”

“Yes, I am.”

“I can’t fathom a straight man being friends with a gay man.  Don’t you worry that people will wonder about you?”

“If they do, and they don’t ask me to my face, they can’t be much of a friend.  I don’t give a damn about Carl’s sexual orientation.  He’s loyal and true, and I’m proud to count him among my friends.”

“I’m forced to tolerate Carl, but I could never have a gay friend.  What they do together is disgusting.  I think it’s monstrous.”

Russ was beginning to lose it.  He completely lost sight of the fact that my dad was baiting him.

“Do you really think that making love is disgusting and monstrous?  I sure don’t.  If two people love each other, everything they do together is designed to give pleasure.  That’s a beautiful thing.”

“Two men making love is an abomination.  I’m beginning to think that you and Carl lied to me and you are gay.”

Now Russ was completely out of the realm of reality.  What he did next, he would live to regret.

“Yes, Mr. Carpenter, I am gay, and I’m madly in love with your son.  I have no family, and I was going to ask you to allow me to call you Dad.”

“Never. No,” Dad said with his teeth tightly clenched.  “You two disgust me.  I can’t believe you derive pleasure from such illegal lust.  That’s not love.”

“Oh yes, it is.  When I’m fucking your son, he whimpers and sobs, and tells me how good I make him feel.  You hear that?  I make him feel good, not ashamed, like you do.”

Dad jumped up and yelled, “Get out of my house, you perverted monster.”

Poor Russ.  He knew he had gone too far, but he couldn’t take it back, and anyway, my dad had provoked him.  He ran out the door, and called for UBER transportation at the corner.

We heard the commotion from the kitchen, and we ran to the living room.

“What happened?” Mom asked.

“Russ is gay, and your perverted son is getting fucked by him.  When Russ fucks him, Carl whimpers and tells him how wonderful it feels.  I’m going to vomit.”

Now it was my turn to run out of the house.  I jumped in my car.  As I drove away, I saw Russ at the corner.  He was sitting on the curb and crying.  I drove right past him.  I couldn’t speak to him right now.  I was angry as hell.  How could he tell my father that I cried when he fucked me?  That should have always stayed strictly between us.  I didn’t think that I could ever forgive him or talk to him again.

As soon as I ran out, my mother confronted my dad.  “What did you say to that young man, Bob?  I’ve known him for a couple of months, and he would never say such awful things unless you provoked him.”

“What do you mean, you’ve known him for a couple of months?”

“When you and your father went fishing, Carl introduced him to Jenny and me.  We knew that they were lovers.”

“Lies, more lies.  Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“Because of the way you’re acting now.  You are exhibiting every stereotypically homophobic behavior in the book.  That’s why we didn’t tell you.

“My own wife and daughter lied to me,” he spat out.  Now Jenny ran from the room.

When they were alone, my mother said, “I love you Bob.  I’ll never stop loving you, but I don’t like you much right now.  Did you ever stop to think what you are doing to our son?  You may have stolen away his chance for true happiness in a world that despises him and makes fun of him.  How could you?  How could you?” 

She began to cry.  Now my father ran from the house.  He got into his car and locked the door.  He made sure that the windows were up.  He gave out one loud wail.  “What have I done?” he sobbed.

*****

The next morning, I got two visitors.   Russ came around before dawn.  I answered the door.  He looked like he had been run over by a truck.  I looked the same way.  I wanted desperately to hold him and comfort him, but I said, rather coldly, “What do you want?”

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

“Please let me explain.”

“Did you tell my father that I cried and whimpered when you fucked me?”

“Yes.”

“Then there’s nothing to explain.”  I shut the door in his face.  At least I didn’t slam it.  I shut it quietly.

Later in the morning my mother came to see me. 

“You know that your father didn’t mean any of those terrible things he told Russ.  You’ll see, he’ll come around.”

“Maybe I don’t want him to.  I don’t care anymore.”

“Please darling.  You lead the way.  Apologize to him for lying about Russ.”

I didn’t say anything, but I nodded.  The moment she left, I jumped into my car and drove to my dad’s store.  He was in his private office.  I walked in without knocking.  He was seated at his desk.  When he heard me, he looked up, and I could see the surprise on his face.  He looked down and continued to do what he was doing.

“Look at me,” I yelled. 

He looked up.

“Mom thinks I should apologize to you for lying about Russ.  I’ve lied to you for twenty-five years without apologizing, so why should I start now?  You know what, Dad?  I’m finished cowering in your presence.  You can go fuck yourself.  I give you permission to make yourself happy.  It’s more than you ever gave me.”

I left immediately, and my dad began to cry again. 

The next day, it was Russ who got an early morning visitor.  He ran to the door smiling.  He thought it might be me.  When he saw my father standing there, he was beyond shocked.

“Good morning, Mr. Carpenter,” he said sarcastically.  “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“May I come in?”

“No.”

“I just want to apologize.  Please let me talk to you.  Let me make things right between you and Carl.”

“I doubt you can.”

“With your help, we can try.”

Russ let him in.  They sat down in the living room, and Russ asked if Dad wanted something to drink.  Dad said he was fine.

“Carl told me that you don’t have any family.  Where are your parents?” Dad asked Russ very bluntly.

“They kicked me out when I told them that I was gay.  I was sixteen.  I avoided foster care by lying about my age and getting odd jobs.  I got a job as a barback in the restaurant where Carl and I work, and I climbed my way up the ladder.”

“I’m sorry,” Dad said.

“Don’t be.  I’m dead to them and they’re dead to me.”

“Get dressed,” Dad commanded.

“Why?  Where are we going?”

“First, we’re going shopping, and then you’re coming home with me.  We’re both going to apologize to Cissy and Jenny for our terrible behavior the other night.”

“Wow, sure, I’ll be ready in a minute, sir.”

“Drop the sir.  Call me, Dad.”

Russ began to blubber.  My father laughed and said, “I guess it’s true.  I always heard that gays cry at the drop of a hat.”

They stopped first at a jewelry shop and my dad bought two matching men’s diamond wedding bands.  “One is for you to give Carl, and he can give you the other, when the time comes.”

Then they stopped at a florist.  Dad bought a bouquet of beautiful mixed flowers, and a bouquet of lush red roses.  “I’ll give Cissy the roses and you give her the other bouquet,” he said.  He was so full of joy; he was acting like Scrooge on Christmas morning.

When they entered my parents’ house, Mom was in the kitchen, of course.  I guess that’s where I got my skills.  She was so shocked to see the two men, she collapsed on a kitchen chair.  Russ handed her the beautiful bouquet of flowers.

“I need to apologize to you,” he said.  “Please, please, please forgive me for my terrible behavior the other night.  I don’t know what came over me.  It wasn’t me speaking.  It was some demon.”

Mom wiped away the tears on Russ’s cheeks.  “Of course, I forgive you, but tell me, how are things with you and Carl?”

“Not good.  He won’t speak to me.”

While Russ and my mom were assuring themselves that everything was forgiven, my dad called me.  “I know you hate me, but I need you to come home as soon as possible.  It’s an emergency.”

I panicked.  “Are Mom and Jenny okay?”

He didn’t answer.  “Please,” he begged, “get here as soon as possible.”

Then he went over to my mother.  He handed her the roses.  “These are for you.  I need you to forgive me for being a first-class idiot.  You know how much I love Carl.  How could I have hurt him like that?”

“Of course, I’ll forgive you, but how are we going to get Carl to forgive you and Russ.”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure going to try.”

I drove all the way up I 95 above the speed limit.  When I came rushing into the house, I saw Russ seated at the kitchen table having coffee and a donut with my family.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“What’s going on?” I dared ask.

“Come join us,” Dad said.  “We’re discussing business.  I want to back you and Russ in the restaurant.”

“I don’t want your freaking money, and I never want to see Russ again.

I ran to the front door, but Russ blocked my way.  I started to swing at him, but my father came up behind me and restrained me in his strong arms.  I could feel that almost immediately, his restraint turned into a hug, and I relaxed a bit.  He dragged me away from Russ.  I could hear Russ sobbing like a baby.

“Come into my study,” Dad said to me.  “I have several serious and private things to talk to you about.”

I followed him into his study and he closed the door.  He sat down on his big lounge chair. I waited for him to start speaking. 

“I’m a fool,” he started.  “Surely you can forgive an old fool who didn’t know what he was doing, and who didn’t know what harm he was causing.  I’ve asked Russ to call your mom and me, Mom and Dad, so don’t be shocked when he does.  I give you both my full blessing to get married.  I even bought you matching wedding bands as a wedding gift.  Russ is holding them.”

By now I was crying lots and lots of tears.

“Please don’t cry,” he said.  “It breaks my heart.  Let me continue.  Most of the money I want to use to back the restaurant is your money.  When you were born, I started a college fund for you.  It’s grown into quite a hefty sum, and since you chose not to go to college, it’s your money.  You don’t have to feel any guilt about taking it.”

My dad stood up and hugged me.  It was the first real hug I had received from him in months.

“I have one other thing to tell you.  You can tell Russ but not another living soul.  Promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“You and Russ can cry and whimper all you want to when you’re fucking.  It’s a sign of true love.  Your mother and I do it all the time.  I’m worse than she is.  Sometimes I start crying and I can’t stop myself for an hour.  There, now we’re even.”

I smiled at him, and shocked him by kissing him on his lips.  Then I ran into the kitchen.  Russ, my mother, and Jenny were still seated at the table.  I grabbed Russ and gave him one hell of a wet kiss.

That night, when Russ was fucking me, I told him what my father said.

His only comment was, “Did he really say fucking?”

I wanted to say yes to him, but I couldn’t.  I was whimpering too much, and my orgasm was upon me.